giyongchyx (giyongchyx) wrote,

Hello Bitches

Guess who's back?? I bet no one remembers me or even reads my fics anymore since its been like... 2 years? I remember my first fics were written out of anxiety and stress, maybe even depression back in my late sophomore year. I was going through a difficult time in my life in which I had absolutely no motivation to do my homework, go to school, and I just did not see myself getting anywhere in life. I guess you could say I was numb for an entire year, maybe even more. I didn't feel like I was myself. It was almost as if I was trapped inside my body; I had no real thoughts besides my ocd thoughts, my brain didn't absorb anything, my ears weren't listening, my eyes were not focusing. I was a complete wreck! And due to that painful year of stress and anxiety, I decided to switch schools. Early College was not meant for me, and I should have known that since the first day. It was going to be lots and lots of sleepless nights spent doing homework and preparing for presentations/speeches. I did none of those things. I stayed up ALL NIGHT AND MORNING doing nothing! I was more than likely on imvu, talking to strangers, chat websites, AFF, roleplaying!!!, and occasionally watching porn. (And if you're going to judge me, I suggest you don't because I can assure you 90% of teens either do the same thing, or worse. Insert kissy emojis here)

So, my little summary of sophomore year is done!! ^

Now let's get into life after my Numb Phase. So, I decided to go to a school that's known for being ghetto (to say the very least). It was the school that was looked down on the most, next to the school that I live right next to. Yes, I chose to go to a school on the opposite side of town, when I COULD HAVE gone to another ghetto school. But the thing is, I wanted a fresh start. If I went to the school next to my house, I would be seeing the bitches I went to elementary-middle school with, and those people are the ones I blame my anxiety, agoraphobia, and lack of self confidence on. I was bullied since 5th grade to 8th grade, mainly for my broken nose. I was NOT born with that nose though, and I didn't even find out it was broken until I went to an ear specialist.

I had to see an ear specialist when I went deaf on my right-side ear. I use my earphones to block out stuff I don't want to hear, such as my family's insults, and such. So the ear specialist had stuck something in my nostrils (some kind of weird ass doctor-y and then he asked me if I'm having any breathing problems. I was like...uhm.. I don't know?? I never really thought about it, yknow, since I've always been like this?? He pointed out that my nose was broken and tilted more towards one side, to my left.

And then I got to thinking. When could it have been broken? 5th grade was when I started getting bullied, so I assumed that was when it happened. I remember elementary school perfectly because I never had any friends since I was so shy and quiet, and I would walk around campus by myself, where the dodgeball and handball courts were. I was so damn stupid istg. I would ALWAYS get hit in the face or on the head by a ball. I'm pretty sure it was a basketball though. A dodgeball couldn't do much, especially break my fucking nose. LOL.

Anyway... What was this post supposed to be about....??....



I hope nobody sees this, seriously. I'm so good at going off-topic... ;;

I'd like to add that I'm going to rewrite my fics, starting today. Slowly but surely!
My internet still sucks ass, but I'll do what I can. Find me on AFF: interlunar
and if you have KKT, let me know your ID so I can add you!
Tags: a:n
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